Don't Act Your Age

By Jack Kean 

"Would you please act your age?" Normally, these words aren't actually spoken; it is more like your inside voice in a shouting mode. Who hasn't uttered (or even yelled) those words to an overactive youngster? Of course, they had no idea what we meant, but it was better than saying sit down and shut up. Maybe parents don't talk like that to their children anymore, but they sure did back in the day.

Now while that might have been good advice for children, it is not something I recommend for anyone reading Modern Senior Living. Let's act anything but our age. If George Herbert Walker Bush can jump out of an airplane on his 80th birthday, the sky is really the limit.

A 67-year-old Spanish woman became the world's oldest mother after she gave birth to twins in the northern city of Barcelona. I told my wife about this, and it won't be possible in a family publication to accurately report her response. Let's just say that she was less than enthusiastic and suggested that getting a puppy would fully tax our parenting energy.

Fifty-nine-year-old Michael Flynt has made the roster of the football team at Division III Sul Ross University in Alpine, Texas. Okay, now this is going way overboard in my "don't act your age" scenario. I consider myself living on the young side just by going to a game.

Charin Yuthasastrkosol, at the age of 71 years and 203 days (who counts days?) performed as a ballerina on stage in Albuquerque, N.M., in 2002. That's something to think about while I'm performing my morning stretching exercises, otherwise known as tying my shoes.

Bernie Barker, born July 31, 1940, was a regular performer at Club LeBare, Miami Beach, Florida. His career as a male stripper didn't begin until he was 66 years old. All I can say is, where else but Miami Beach? Whether this is an option for any of you ladies (or any 66-year-old man I've ever met) is not for me to say.

Abe Weintraub may be the oldest man in history to take up running. Weintraub, 90, started running just after his wife died. The Brooklyn native completed 16 New York Road Runners Club races, including the New York City Marathon, which he finished in 8 hours and ten minutes. For me, walking a mile means it is time for a short nap.

So maybe none of this is for me (or you?), but as a currently running television ad says, "Your dreams don't retire at age 60." So you don't want to jump out of a perfectly good airplane or take up a second career as an adult entertainer ­ there's lots of other good stuff to do. If you haven't seen this country; get going, and while you're at it, check out the world. If you haven't tried to write that book, now is the time.

If you haven't learned a second language; el tiempo es ahora. I'm hoping this effort will keep my brain reasonably active. Don't plan, however, on having a meaningful conversation in your new language next month.

Keep the grandkids for a week. Join an exercise club. Learn how to dance. Get a dog. Do volunteer work. Take your spouse on a date. Just so you know, I'm either doing or have done all of those things. Now that doesn't make me special, just lucky.

This is a great part of our lives, so let's enjoy it to the fullest. Or, as we say in Spanish class; "Tenga algún hoy divertido." Roughly translated, "Have some fun today."

Jack Kean is the author of three novels: Being From The South Doesn't Make Me Stupid, Deadly Sacrifice, and What If The Winner Dies? Prior to retirement, he was employed in law enforcement on the federal level. He is a graduate of the University of Mississippi School of Law in Oxford. Jack is a native Mississippian, but he currently lives in Alabama, having moved there from Woodstock, Ga.