On Your Mark, Get Set, VOTE

By Jack Kean

About this time every four years, I have the urge to compose an article commenting on the state of politics in the United States: an article so insightful; so discerning; so intelligently and cleverly written it will be used as the prime example of political writing in the best journalism schools. Aspiring journalism students will post it on their walls as a constant reminder of what a great political article should be. It will be said of this article, "Believe it or not, he didn't write this masterpiece until he was in his sixties." Most of the time after a hot shower and short nap, I've moved on to writing articles about why men don't ask for directions and how to use a pooper scooper.

The current race for President is so unique that my efforts to reign in this foolish impulse have totally failed. One candidate has more time in a POW camp than the other has in the U. S. Senate. One candidate is clearly eligible for the senior discount at Taco Bell, and the other could likely get a student discount at the local movie house. Both candidates can be seen, to one degree or another, assuring seniors that the government will take care of us. One candidate is known as a maverick, and the other is hardly known at all.

One candidate says that he will raise taxes on the "rich." Problem is, the definition of rich can be stretched further than Dolly Parton's bra. One candidate says he'll keep the current tax cuts, but he was once opposed to them. One candidate promises that all will have health insurance equal to that of federal employees. As a retired federal employee, let me advise you that the monthly cost of this insurance is over one thousand dollars. The other candidate wants to make health care "more affordable;" a good objective, but how?

One candidate acts like a rock star. The other candidate looks like your grumpy old uncle. One candidate is all over the Internet while the other one remains a learner. One candidate has received large sums of cash from news media personnel while the other has gotten a lottery ticket and a free meal at McDonald's. One candidate has garnered lots of money from movie stars. The other candidate pocketed a discount movie popcorn coupon.

So we voters are considering whether it would be better to have a grumpy uncle or a rock star in the White House. In case you have forgotten the campaigns of old, this is clearly not the first time voters have struggled with the choice between tofu and a steak burger.

In 1892, there was an election, but no campaigning. There's a plan I could live with. Cleveland (D), in deference to Harrison (R) whose wife was deathly ill, didn't campaign. What if the candidates contributed all of their campaign money towards the national debt? Would you miss the TV and radio ads?

What if the candidates could only run one ad? Obama's might be: "I'm a rock star, and my opponent is a grumpy old man." McCain's on the other hand could be as follows: "I'm a grumpy old man, but in case of trouble, who you gonna call?" Just a thought.

As the time to vote grows ever closer, please be certain to register, educate yourself and vote. Our grandchildren will live with the results. We have a great country, let's pass it on.

Jack Kean is the author of three novels: Being From The South Doesn't Make Me Stupid, Deadly Sacrifice, and What If The Winner Dies? Prior to retirement, he was employed in law enforcement on the federal level. He is a graduate of the University of Mississippi School of Law in Oxford. Jack is a native Mississippian, but he currently lives in Alabama, having moved there from Woodstock, Ga.