Timely Tips For Moving Seniors;
Or Is It Time To Rethink?

By Jack Kean

You've finally retired, and the old place doesn't fit that new retirement lifestyle so the idea of moving is casually discussed. From a retiree on the move to those just thinking about it, here are a few moving suggestions. To use a hackneyed adage: "Experience is the best teacher."

After making that momentous decision over a cold glass of iced tea (or the cold beverage of choice), you call a realtor, right? Wrong! Have a few more sips of tea, take a vacation, see a movie, and convince your spouse that living close to the ocean increases the odds of being blown away by a hurricane, and besides, there's sand in everything. Remind your significant other of how cold it gets in the mountains. Suggest a new hobby instead, something that is inexpensive and doesn't involve you in any manner.

That didn't work? I was afraid it wouldn't, so now you are back to calling a realtor, but wait. Don't even think of calling a realtor at this point. A good rule to follow is never sell your house without knowing where you are moving because sleeping at a rest stop on I-75 is a really bad plan.

Unfortunately, the article about locating your dream home has to be written separately so this doesn't turn into a book; therefore, we'll assume you have found a wonderful community without thoughtless neighbors and barking dogs, and you'll be the only grouch. Yeah, like that's going to happen.

So NOW it's time to call a realtor, right? Not so fast my over anxious friend. Take a long, slow look at the inside of your home and don't forget the attic and/or basement, where all the stuff you accumulated over the years but don't use, is now comfortably resting. Inspect the walls where pictures of Gramps, Granny, uncles, nieces, children and grandchildren and several people you don't remember have been hanging for so long that the paint behind them doesn't look familiar.

Once you have done this basic survey, it is time to have a family meeting with children, grandchildren, and any other relatives or neighbors who have over the years stored treasures in your home. Give them two weeks tops to get it, or it moves to the next step. That's right, the yard sale. Everything that even might be worth someone else's cash must be put up for sale. Next, take all the stuff that nobody would pay for and recycle it or dump it as appropriate.

You have just begun the process of moving, and even yet, don't call your realtor. Instead head down to the local self storage facility and rent a large unit. Move at least half of your furniture and all of the remaining junk to the storage unit. Clean, polish, dust, organize, mop and do anything else that will make your place look like someone else's dream home. NOW you can call that realtor.

Your realtor will smile a lot and tell you that with a few minor fixes your house is sure to be sold before the ink dries on your contract. Just after you sign and while the ink is drying, your realtor will mention a few of those minor fixes. They may well include: new carpet, painting, a plumber, and a long list of additional items that need to find their way to the aforementioned self storage unit.

Once your place doesn't look like it is inhabited by packrats with questionable taste, the fun really begins. No longer can your underwear be thrown on the bathroom floor awaiting the magic cleaning genie. The shower mold is gone, but keeping it away means drying the shower after every use. Leaving out your toothbrush, comb, or razor is also forbidden. To sum up, you must strive each day to make it appear that no one actually lives in the house. Having fun yet?

As a lead in to the "finding that perfect home" column, let me just say that nothing in your house will be the right size or the correct color or a good fit for your dream home. You would probably be just as well off to sell everything you own on eBay and start over. After all, retirement is really a way of starting over.

Editor's Note: Jack recently sold his home and moved to Alabama so he and his wife could be closer to their children and grandchildren ­ so this column comes from experience. Fortunately, Jack will continue to write for Modern Senior Living so we can all learn from his experience.