Retirement is the Time to Make Real Choices

By Jack Kean

Here is the truly good news about retirement: you can make choices; not choices in name, but real choices. Most of our lives, we've acted as if we were making choices, but in many ways, it just wasn't the truth. The most surprising thing about being able to make real choices is that it is a little scary.

My father told me that if you can't do anything else in life, you can always serve as a horrible example. Now I'm not really sure he told me that, but somebody did, and he might as well get the credit. I mention that to preface my own story of making choices after retirement.

We were living in a small condo in a large city when I retired, and we immediately moved to a small town and into a large house. An important member of our family of two decided that wasn't such a good thing to do. We then moved from a small town and large house to a large city and a small house. We managed to make that work for several years. We are now in the process of moving from that large city and small house to a medium-sized city and larger house. Whew!

So, if you don't like packing and moving (and trust me when I tell you, there is very little to like), then let me suggest not following my horrible example. Take a deep breath, take a vacation, and take some time before significantly changing your life. The decision on how and where to live now rests pretty much with you without the encumbrances of a job or school for the kids or any of the other factors that once greatly influenced our decisions.

Let's review some of those decisions we've made in the past that maybe weren't really our decisions at all. When you were a small child and your mother said, "Do you want to clean up your room or go outside and get me a switch?" (That was, of course, before time out.) You wisely decided to clean that room, but was it really a free choice?

In school, the teacher said, "Either hush or I'm sending you to the principal's office." You wisely decided to quit whispering in Jenny Sue's ear until recess. Certainly a good choice, but not freely made.

Remember the boss threatening, "Either get here on time or I'm going to let you go." Choice? I don't think so. How about your wife's ominous comment? "Get off the couch and cut the grass, or you can sleep on that couch you love so much." Once again, it seemed like you had a choice, but did you?

Where you lived and what kind of house you had and whether you kept that job were all choices, sort of. Your ability to make a truly independent decision was based upon the needs of your kids, a spouse's employment, and maybe other factors as well. But now, you can make real choices based upon what you want. That's worth celebrating.

Some of us have made the decision to move where the kids live. After all, there either are, or hopefully will be, grandchildren to spoil. What could be better? Maybe nothing, but then again, maybe a move isn't the great choice it seems to be.

In our current small community, I've known a number of people who moved to be close to the kids. In some cases, it has worked well. In other cases, the kids got promotions or a new job and moved elsewhere. That left grandparents living in a place that was desirable primarily because of the children. Old friends and familiar places were far away.

Whatever you decide, make sure it is a thoughtful choice because as with all choices, there are consequences. Well, I've got to go tape another box now, and the movers will be here soon. Maybe it's like Dad said, "I can always serve as a horrible example."

Jack Kean is the author of three novels: Being From The South Doesn't Make Me Stupid, Deadly Sacrifice, and What If The Winner Dies? Prior to his retirement, he was employed in law enforcement at the federal level. He is a graduate of the University of Mississippi School of Law in Oxford, Miss. Jack is a native Mississippian, but he currently lives in Woodstock, Ga., with his wife Lois.